Student loans can have a substantial impact on many major life decisions. Indeed, student loans can impact when and if individuals choose to buy a home, a car, or make other financial choices. However, student loans should not impact relationships, and individuals should not let their own student loans, or the debt of a partner, impact their connection with someone else.
During my student debt repayment saga, I was afraid that my student debt would impact how people perceived me as a potential romantic partner. Student debt definitely impacted my confidence since I thought that the loans would make me less desirable to people who look for financial security in a partner. After I paid off my student loans, I was happy to be free from this limitation, and my confidence definitely improved after I was able to repay my debt.
In any event, the main reason why student loans should not impact relationships is since student debt will hopefully just be a temporary part of someone’s life. When people look for long-term romantic partners, they should hopefully not be looking for someone they will only know for a short amount of time. Rather, they are usually seeking someone they will build a life with for years and decades.
Of course, student loans can take a long time to pay off, even under the best of circumstances. However, with the popularity of income-driven repayment plans, student debt borrowers are unlikely to spend the rest of their lives paying off student loans. As a result, student loans should not impact relationships since all but shortsighted individuals should be able to see how student debt is usually just a temporary issue that someone deals with shortly after graduating from school.
Moreover, student loans should not impact relationships, because borrowing student loans is rarely a reflection of someone’s character. There is an unfortunate misconception that people who had mountains of debt are financially irresponsible or have other negative personality traits. This may sometimes be true with people who have substantial credit card debt or other loans from frivolous spending and the like.
However, student loans were borrowed to earn an education, not for consumer goods or frivolous pursuits. In some instances, especially with law students, applicants applied to schools and borrowed debt by relying on inaccurate employment data generated by academic programs. As a result, it is unfair to judge an individual’s character simply by the level of student debt they borrowed, and accordingly, student loans should not impact relationships.
Another reason why student loans should not impact relationships is because financial status should not be a factor when choosing a romantic partner. Individuals should choose romantic partners with whom they are compatible, especially since everyone hopes to have a romantic partner for a long period of time. There is a common trope that people should not be “gold diggers” and primarily care about finances when picking a romantic partner, which of course makes sense since individuals should not care about superficial things and focus on the important qualities of a partner that will make that person compatible with you for long periods of time. Caring about student loans is just as shallow as caring about other financial aspects of a prospective partner, and student debt should not be part of the romantic calculus.
Moreover, student loans should not impact relationships to the point where demands are made on someone concerning student loans. I have anecdotally heard stories of people telling romantic partners in anticipation of marriage that student loans need to be contended with a certain way in order for a relationship to move forward. It is not uncommon for individuals before they are married to address student loans in pre-marital agreements and other similar arrangements, and such documents are often used to regulate the financial affairs of married people.
However, people should think twice about whether they should place demands on their romantic partners regarding student loans. Relationships often require give and take, and it might not be healthy for one partner to make demands regarding student debt. This can undermine the team mentality that is supposed to abound when people enter into relationships.
Moreover, student loans should not impact relationships since there are often a number of socioeconomic factors which lead some people to struggle with student loans more than others. Individuals who come from wealthy families will naturally have less issues with student debt since they have more financial security. However, individuals who come from lower-income families may have more issues with student loans. It is not fair to disadvantage people based on their economic background, since socioeconomic factors are largely outside of someone’s control when they decide to borrow student loans and during the early part of their student loan repayment story. People should focus on more substantive qualities when choosing romantic partners and not superficial factors that are largely beyond the control of someone.
In the end, a number of factors can influence with whom you wish to be romantic partners, but student debt should not be one of these factors. Student loans are a fleeting and superficial characteristic about a person that does not usually reflect more substantive qualities. Moreover, it is not fair to hold it against someone that they face socioeconomic challenges that are largely outside of their control.